This is why I no longer co-sleep with my dog…

And the reason may surprise you.

I was recently divorced and shared custody of my Labrador with my ex-husband. A very modern arrangement, but one which left me feeling a bit lost when he wasn’t with me (the dog, not the ex-husband).

One day I bumped into a neighbour who told me he had a litter of Jack Russell puppies, and did I want to come and see them? Well, there was only one way that was going to end. In January last year Emily-in-Paris (yes, I’m a fan) came home to live with me. We quickly became inseparable; I loved having a little shadow and she was a joy to be around. Smart, funny, trainable and, best of all, affectionate and cuddly.

I discovered one of the many joys of the terrier breed is that they like to be warm and curl up with you. Like Emily, I feel the cold and I also love a snuggle on the sofa. It was a match made in heaven.

Initially Emily slept downstairs and after the usual period of adjustment that a puppy goes through, missing their mum and their litter mates, she was soon sleeping through the night quite happily.

I’m a morning person, but occasionally at the weekends I do like to lounge in bed with a cup of tea before getting on with my day — and I started inviting Emily up to the bedroom to join me. It became our little Sunday morning ritual. She’d burrow down under the duvet and go back to sleep, usually tucked into the crook behind my knee, while I sipped my tea and read a book. It was bliss.

It was also a slippery slope. Before long, she was coming up to bed with me at night and we were co-sleeping. She would hop on the bed while I brushed my teeth and then when I got into bed, she’d tuck herself in with me. She was the hot water bottle to beat all hot water bottles — she never got cold.

I found it comforting to have her with me. No matter how stressful my day, it all melted away with a terrier snuggled up to me at night. And waking up to her little face in the morning never failed to put me in a good mood.

Recent studies demonstrate that I’m not the only one to take comfort in a canine bedfellow. A 2022 study of 1,000 dog owners in the US found that 76% of them allowed their dogs to sleep on the bed. Those who did said it helped with stress, anxiety and loneliness. A 2018 US study focused on women and found that 55% shared their bed with at least one dog. I couldn’t help but laugh when I read that the women who also had a human partner preferred sleeping with the dog. They said the dog disturbed their sleep less and they felt more secure. Dog 1, Man 0.

And while sharing your bed with a dog used to be seen as unhygienic, the prevailing wisdom now is that you already share your home with the dog, so sleeping with them doesn’t suddenly expose you to more germs.

So, with all these positives, and no apparent negatives, why did I stop letting Emily sleep in the bed?

It all began with an Amazon delivery driver who left a very tall parcel propped up against my front door. When I went to open the door, the parcel fell on top of me. It was dark outside, I assumed I was being attacked and poor Emily ran for her life, upstairs, where she had a pee on the carpet and hid under the bed. When I later told the story to my mum and sisters, we laughed affectionately. Poor thing, we all said, not much of a guard dog.

But then I noticed other incidents of nervous behaviour. Overreactions to loud noises, timidness in new places and she’d run away from people she didn’t know. She’d always been a slightly cautious dog, which is a good thing in a terrier, but she’d never been anxious. I did some reading and discovered that Jack Russell Terriers can be prone to separation anxiety because they can attach very strongly to one person. Perhaps Emily and I were becoming too closely bonded?

As I navigated my new post-divorce life, having Emily constantly by my side had given me a feeling of solidarity. It was me and Emily against the world. But perhaps that was unfair on her — perhaps it wasn’t allowing her to find the independence and self-confidence that I believe every dog needs to be truly happy.

I decided to change our sleeping arrangements. My theory was that if Emily learnt to sleep on her own, as she had when she was a puppy, it might help her feel more confident generally. I researched “best dog beds for terriers” and discovered a fascinating world of “burrowing” and “cave” beds, all designed to cater to a terrier’s instinct to get inside things and curl up.

A couple of days later her new bed arrived. I unpacked it and put it in the corner of the lounge, fully expecting it to take a few days for her to show any interest in it. But that evening, while I was watching TV, she hopped off the sofa into her new bed, curled up in it and went to sleep. She stayed there all night and has slept on it every night since.

And over the weeks that followed I did notice a positive change in her overall confidence and behaviour. She has developed self-reliance and is braver about trying new things. Also, I feel better knowing that if I had to go away and leave her with a family member or friend, she’d settle at night in her burrow bed. Wherever she is, it’s her bedroom, her safe space.

I’m not going to lie — I miss having Emily in my bed. But I know it’s better for her. And, full disclosure, some mornings I wake up, go downstairs to make a cup of tea and we go back to bed together for a nice lie-in. Before one of us looks at the other and says, right come on, we’d better get on with this day.